This has been a very different week for me. My grandmother’s viewing on Monday, the funeral on Tuesday, my return to work on Wednesday, and the general stuff of life that has been going on throughout. We are currently wading through my grandmother’s estate, and trying to take stock of all that is in it… while at the same time we grieve the passing of a life.
This has been a time of looking back and remembering my grandmother, laughing as we retell stories, and shaking our heads in amazement as we sort out her antiques store and prepare it for auction.
This week has also been a week of prepping for my future.
Being back from Springfield for just about a week, I am beginning to prepare to move across the country within the next six months. We, as a team, are also beginning to plan and prepare to plant a church in an area that is dieing to see a fresh move of the Holy Spirit.
While I am excited to take part in this new adventure, I am also terrified.
Excited to be able to take part in something that is new and fresh…
Excited to be able to worship God through my giftings in a whole new way…
Excited to see the move of God in the Springfield/Eugene area…
Terrified to be moving to a part of the country that is foriegn to me…
Terrified to be leaving the comfortable confines of student ministry…
Terrified to be operating without a safety net…
And so, while I and the team prepare to start out on this new journey, I am finding myself constantly asking God for the courage and faith to do this…
I would ask that you would pray the same for me…
Filed under: life, reflection
Hey.
Sorry to hear about your grand mother. I am sure she was a great person, and she will be enlightening with her memory a lot of folks who knew her.
I have a question.
I am probably not a very good Christian. But I do have every once in a while some questions about the believe I was born into.
You always credit the Lord for all the things you have achieved, and you pray to get the strength to accomplish the new things you are going to start in your life. Whom do you blame, when things don’t work out and when you get totally screwed up? Just think about your work in sales, when you told us about the unfair CSI surveys. That cannot be Gods work, to treat you so unfairly? Don’t tell me, he is just testing you, how you can stomach a $ 4,000 income loss. On the other hand, what reason would there be to award you the $ 4,000. Why would he not test you for a whole years salary.
Sorry for this question, But I do not understand the blame game. Isn’t there anything you call yourself responsible for? Good or bad? Top or flop?
Any answer is appreciated, and I really don’t mean to be offensive.
H.P.K.
Thank you for your kind words…
No need to apologize for the question, it is actually a very good one. Here is my take on it, and I am going to shift the order of your questions around as well, so bear with me…
As to what I am responsible for, I am responsible for living in a manner that is honoring to God on a daily basis… In short, my responsibility is to love God, and love others to the best of my ability, and to go about my business in a way that reflects the nature of God as much as possible. I fall short of this often, but it is also something I strive for each day. I have found if I pursue life in this manner, the rest falls into place.
Over the last few years I have started to look at things like the bad surveys a little differently (as an aside, the survey has yet to surface… I think that I may have dodged the bullet on that one). Scripture talks about how all things work for the good of those that place thier faith in Christ. Now, I know that many times this is thrown around as a pithy little saying, but I really do believe this. Looking back on my life, I have seen time and time again where the Lord has been faithful to me, and has used circumstances that are less than perfect to grow me, shape me, and stretch me. A great deal of my own personal growth (spiritual and otherwise) has come through some situations that were absolutely miserable, but in the end I am grateful for having gone through (that does not mean that I want to go through them again).
So, who do I blame? When I need to fess up and own my own mistakes, I blame myself, but in other situations I don’t know that blame is all that important, ya know?
This morning one of our finance managers was talking about the importance of attitude, and how you need to move on when a deal goes bad… So, when stuff goes bad, I just try and suck it up and move on… and have faith that it will work out for the good…
Does that make sense?
First of all, i really respect you and your way of conducting your life. After you last response even more so.
It is hard to imagine however, how one can be living for loving others, without ignoring the others at times.
Yes, I have been selling things for now 30 years and cars in the US since 11. I have learned how to fess up to my own mistakes, how to get over set-backs and how to cope with the more unpleasant people, who I run into every so often.
I never thought about doing this to please anyone. I do this for my own good and to keep my eyes on target. I always felt that I am in control.
According to your writings, you must think I am a total egoist. Well, I think to a good portion of my personality this is true. On the other hand, I think of myself of a good and giving person, and my biggest pleasure is to make somebody else happy. A smile from a person in need is more than any money can buy. It deeply satisfies my wish to accomplish things I can keep sake in my memory for the times coming, to share with my kids and grandkids as a lesson learned. Still, — if one harms me or my kin I WILL NOT OFFER HIM THE OTHER CHEEK!! I will strike back, I will defend myself and I will do what I can do to avoid being hurt or to sustain any damage to my health or wealth.
What do you think about that?
H.P.K.
I don’t think that you are an egoist… not even close.
I think that what you say is reasonable. I also think that what makes Christ such a powerful, and controversial, figure is that often times he defies conventional wisdom, and calls us to live lives that defy reason.
This can be, and often times is, tough to stomach… I struggle with it daily. But it is not so much an attempt to please God as it is a response to him… an act of worship…
As I spent time thinking of how to respond, Matthew 5:43-48 kept coming to mind(http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%205:43-48%20;&version=65;).
There is just something about the idea of reflecting the image of God that was created in us… and how we have the ability (and the calling on our lives) to do more than just the ordinary… we are called to the radical (and crazy)…
Does that make sense?
Well, it makes sense, kind of– if one believes in the way the Christian Church describes the “Live after Death”.
I know I am , what you might call a ‘doubter’.
What if it this is not true, and, lets say, the Hindi are right and I will reincarnate as a Holy Cow? No joking here, who tells us that the Christian believe is the correct one. More people are Buddhists and Hindi and Muslims than there a Christians. One cannot call them being wrong, since nobody can proof someone wrong when it comes to religion ( extremists excluded).
Would you agree that there is only one god and it does not matter how we call him ( or her for the sake of being politically correct). It should not matter how we worship and what rites we are implementing. There should be no hierarchy on earth in the clergy and churches should not be institutions you can only belong to if you pay in a lot of money.
However, it is all true. Nobody can be a church member without paying his dues ( I believe some still request the tithe).
So, since I refuse to pay for my Lord, I generated my own religion which I believe in. My kids have had the freedom of choice and I taught them about every Religion there is on this world. They ended up liking mine the best.
My church does not require sacrifices to please any deity, it requires discipline to protect you and your kin and your environment. To ensure that this earth can go on in the future. My church does not force anybody to anything they don’t like, it offers the kindness from the heart which only freedom of mind can generate. It promotes the generation of thought and ideas.
It sees the Bible, the Koran and other holy writings as an interesting view into thought of others but not as a totalistic guide book for life in our time of changes.
So maybe my believe is no religion per say. But my believe is in the goodness of those living being who have the privilege of being enabled to express their feelings and produce their own thinkings and logics to make this existence as meaningful as possible. To themselves and to others.Therefore, I do not see the need to gather in places of worship which expects to contribute money to the earthly wealth and power of the congregational institution and of the church.
Amen.
H.P.K.
You have hit upon one of my favorite soap boxes…
I am embarrassed by the way that the church has handled the issue of money throughout the years. I don’t see the concept of the tithe, or an offering as being something that God demands. I don’t see it as something that is a requirement placed upon us. I see tithing as an act of worship, as a way of giving back to our creator… but there are many places in scripture that talks about God desiring a broken heart and a contrite spirit far more than an offering (whether monetary or animal)… in other words, God is more interested in the heart issues… than whether we are up to date on our giving.
Now, with that being said, I DO believe that giving (whether tithes, offerings, or random other acts of charity) is a huge thing, and we are called to do that… but it is an act of worship… it needs to be done freely, without manipulation or coercion, and it should be done as a response…
It is my desire to end the tradition of the passing of the plate, and begin the tradition of quiet, subtle, giving that is done off to the side, and out of the public eye.
Forgive me if I rambled… I tend to feel strongly about this issue…
Hey man, I guess you are lucky that you are moving to Oregon, otherwise you would see me looking seriously into joining your new group.
I like your approach and what you say. I am still not sure about what you preach , but I would give it a shot.
I commend you for being upfront and responsive to my questions.
Can you answer the second part of my inquiry from yesterday?
H.P.K.
That is one of the highest compliments that you could have paid me… thank you.
I promise that I am not avoiding the other part of your question, but I do want to give it the attention that it deserves. All of our DX drivers were scattered today, so I had to pick up a truck from 100 miles away, and just got back.
I will attempt to answer your question after I deliver the truck.
By the way, I have enjoyed this dialogue… thank you for the courage to ask questions.
Ok, thank you for being patient…
As to the comment you made about being a doubter… I am convinced that this is a good thing. I often urged the students that I pastored to engage in a process of healthy doubt, since only through the exploration of doubt can you really begin to embrace faith more fully.
I will agree with you that it is difficult to prove things pertaining to faith. Faith is an irrational thing to many for that reason. What I know is that there is a living God, and he desires to restore his creation to a right relationship with him. These things I know through my own personal story, and the interactions that I have had with God through the last several years. I know these things through the way that God has revealed them to me since I came to embrace faith twelve years ago.
I will be honest in that I am unable to prove someone else wrong when it comes to their faith… and to be honest, I do not think that I want to. I would much rather offer people the opportunity to experience God (as scripture puts it, to taste and see), through my interactions with them and through thier own interactions with him, than to enter into an intellectual argument about something that is spiritual.
In these politically correct times it is seen as arrogant to have a sense of certainty in your beliefs, and maybe it is… but, as I said earlier in our conversation, the Lord has been faithful to me through the years, and I really have no reason to doubt him now.
Does that make sense? Actually, a better question for me to ask is whether I am answering your question…
Your are giving me at least a reason to carry on this conversation. I don’t think you have directly addressed my question from an ‘earthly’, factual point of view (that’s the view I have), but you did a fine job in giving me your spiritually correct answer.
I don’t mean that negatively. You answered as one who is without any doubt ought to answer.
See my friend, you could be the first deeply religious person I ever have spoken to, who can convey his stand point to me without sounding ridiculous and out worldly. I can see that you are finding your peace and your fulfillment in your believe, without forcing non believers to adapt your point of view. You rather give them a chance to first understand you as a person, before they are asked to understand what you believe.
I really enjoy this trait of yours.
I would have never thought I would correspond so extensively with a person who actually lives in a large part by the word of god. Where I come from ( Germany), church is mainly synonymous with Roman Catholic or Protestant institutions. I decided a long time ago ( 27 years ago to be precise) to exit the Roman Catholic Church for good because I was completely dissatisfied with their doings and believes. I did not want to be sponsoring a ‘business with Jesus Christ”.
I believe in a god and because of my upbringing, this god can be called Jesus Christ. If it ends up, that the god is called ” Kwami Singh Paramuturia” it fine too, because Jesus is for me just my code name, my alias for THE god. There is only one, and we do not know what his/her name is. The Bible is a book, nothing else. Its big and fat and in its time is was probably well written. Many human brains have interpreted, modified and added stories and wisdoms. this is certainly a good thing and I don’t take away the educational value of this book. But I have read a big portion of the Koran too, and this is also an interesting book. Both have a lot of good advice , a lot of truth, a lot of meaning and a lot of dumb stuff in it. Dumb, because mankind missed to change some of the content to adapt it to our modern times. Advice from the 3rd century just does not alway end up to be good advice for the 21st century.
So here is you now, - a young man with a lot of energy, who’s calling it is to gather folks around himself to preach the word of the Bible. How would I wish you would be able to be an even greater preacher than others, who can actually read between the lines and interpret those psalms into realistic modern pictures. We don’t need another yea-sayer, We need a good person, who can reform the word of the Bible into that what it used to be more than a 1000 years ago. A handbook for a good, giving and forgiving life. A life with content for the individual, the environment and a life which fulfills ultimately calling you and each of us has from the Lord above.
I should actually find a sponsor for the both of us and rewrite the Bible.
Then I could help you preach, because I might understand exactly what you are feeling, what you mean and what you are trying to do.
Right now I have only a hunch and I am not sure whether your goals make factual sense ( which I truly hope they do) or whether they are just another spiritual brain fart (excuse the word, but I cannot think about a better one).
So I will be anxiously waiting for another comment of yours and I hope you are selling a lot of cars this month to get you financially closer to your goal.
My month sucks so far and I am just about to give it a good try for the final stretch.
Nice to know you
H.P.K.
I have been thinking back through my own experience of embracing faith, and to be honest, I can not give a rational explanation for it.
I met a group of people that cared for me for no other reason than I was Matt, and I found that pretty attractive. Over the course of eight or ten months I really began to appreciate their outlook on life, and began having conversations with them about it…
It was a combination of the move of the Holy Spirit (terminology that I know now, not then), and a desire to live my life in a manner similar to theirs…